Heavy Hands, Heavy Heart

[americasuitehearts]

I have handfuls of worries
And only two hands to hold them

So when I’m forcefully gifted
Too new of responsibilities
Or an overwhelming feeling of personal freedom
Simple comforts begin to slip through my fingers

I didn’t even notice
When the dirt buried beneath my bitten nails
The dirt cheap promise to always be your sweet little girl
Had disappeared into the depths of cherry red polish

Now my sore wrists threaten to snap
Under the weight of balancing two worlds

One where I’m still naive to the inaccuracies in your words
Where I could be soft around the edges and not hate myself for it

The other where I’m mature beyond my years
Only in the ways that take responsibilities of your daughter’s juvenility off of your shoulders
Where my hands don’t shake under your disappointment
And my nails stay perfectly cherry polished

Fucking up in front of your gaze
Is more horrifying
Than falling apart in the dark ever will be

I’ll keep my heavy thoughts
My heavy heart
My heavy hands
Down at my side
To keep you proud of the young woman you tell me I am