“You love that dogs won't even try to say no”
Wed, Aug. 6th, 2025 10:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
americasuiteheartsi feel like ive mentioned a lot of people in my other posts, so really for my own entertainment, im going to talk about some of them. this is definitely tmi but i dont really care. read at ur own risk or whatev :b
lily. she was my best friend for over two years of my life. she showed up in my life and we kinda just clicked. we were kinda a weird pair, i guess. it makes me sound like a pick me, but when we first met i was the kinda kid who read books instead of talking to people and got called a crybaby at recess. I wasn’t super bullied, but i wasn’t very popular. lily was the polar opposite. she was all smiles— a talkative, short n’ skinny, bubbly, girl. i spent ever moment with her. if you saw one of us, the other was probably somewhere near by. for a bit, it was just the two of us.
then our friend group grew. there was this one dude named ethan. he was kinda strange, but sweet. he carried around the super thick harry potter books and always wore a sweater, even in the summer heat. we kinda adopted him into our friendship. i remember that lily had the biggest crush ever on ethan. i knew because she would talk about it to me constantly. i also remember feeling jealous, not super strongly, but enough where i believed that i must *also* like the ethan. yeah, the closet was glass.
the next school year, a new girl transferred to our class: maria. she rocked our entire little innocent world. she was weirdly… sexual (?) for a 5th grader. im not even exaggerating, she taught us a bunch of dirty shit I didn’t need to know. we used to call each other mommy and daddy and like, moan at each other??? im pretty sure maria was part of the reason why i am who i am today (she also showed me porn for the first time!? that shouldn’t be normal for an 11 year old, right?) in our group of 4, we each had our own pair: me and lily, maria and ethan. we were super bad influences on ethan btw. when we met him, he was this quiet, innocent looking, guy. by the end, he was taking about wanting to get a blowjob, not that any of us fully understand what we were talking about.
my friends meant a lot to me. i talked with lily constantly. i remember walking laps while just saying anything we could think of. lily wanted to write a book and we’d plan it together. she wanted me to draw the cover for it. it of course never went anywhere, but writing this made me remember that.
then, one night we had a sleepover. it was fun, but anything with her was fun. it was late at night and she was doing my makeup. she smearing some gloss over my lips before leaning forward and kissing me. it wasn’t really a kiss, just a peck, but my little lesbian mind was freaking out. ive heard people say that straight girl sometimes just do that!? was that normal??? and the thing is, she did it again! that night, she slept next to me in my bed (i had a bunk bed btw, she just decided to sleep next to me) we were lying in the dark and she kissed me again, giggling.
but, all good things seem to end. the end of the school year rolled around, and guess what? all of us were going to different middle schools. lily was going to the connecting middle school to our elementary (a charter school). i was going to a public school in a different area because my brother got kicked out of the charter middle school. ethan was going to some rich private school. maria was moving out to West Virginia. on the last day of school, lily didn’t show up. maria, me, and some other friends decided to tell ethan that lily liked him. being a 12 year old boy, he of course said “ew” and brushed it off. asshole move btw, don’t go breaking girl code like i did, even if we’re never going to see each other again.
i got a phone at the start of summer and i still talked to lily. it just felt different though, and i was distant. classic me, always running away. i went to my friend concert with her, i met her family, i had my first sleep over with her. lily was my everything and suddenly i was never going to see her again. i stopped responding to her and she stopped texting. i don’t even have her number anymore. it’s all gone. ive already cried and did all my dramatic shit i do. it’s been over 2 years since i last talked to her and i probably never will again, same with maria and ethan. i think I loved her and i never could say that. i still have this bracelet she made me; it doesn’t even fit me right. i used it have this matching necklace with her, but i got emotional one day and threw it out. it hurt. it still does, just slightly. im over it by now but lily will always be the best friend i have ever had.
i cut my hair today. it was half way down my back and now its above my shoulders. it felt nice to cut it off. it used to be short when i was friends with her. i think im going to be okay :)
- r
lily. she was my best friend for over two years of my life. she showed up in my life and we kinda just clicked. we were kinda a weird pair, i guess. it makes me sound like a pick me, but when we first met i was the kinda kid who read books instead of talking to people and got called a crybaby at recess. I wasn’t super bullied, but i wasn’t very popular. lily was the polar opposite. she was all smiles— a talkative, short n’ skinny, bubbly, girl. i spent ever moment with her. if you saw one of us, the other was probably somewhere near by. for a bit, it was just the two of us.
then our friend group grew. there was this one dude named ethan. he was kinda strange, but sweet. he carried around the super thick harry potter books and always wore a sweater, even in the summer heat. we kinda adopted him into our friendship. i remember that lily had the biggest crush ever on ethan. i knew because she would talk about it to me constantly. i also remember feeling jealous, not super strongly, but enough where i believed that i must *also* like the ethan. yeah, the closet was glass.
the next school year, a new girl transferred to our class: maria. she rocked our entire little innocent world. she was weirdly… sexual (?) for a 5th grader. im not even exaggerating, she taught us a bunch of dirty shit I didn’t need to know. we used to call each other mommy and daddy and like, moan at each other??? im pretty sure maria was part of the reason why i am who i am today (she also showed me porn for the first time!? that shouldn’t be normal for an 11 year old, right?) in our group of 4, we each had our own pair: me and lily, maria and ethan. we were super bad influences on ethan btw. when we met him, he was this quiet, innocent looking, guy. by the end, he was taking about wanting to get a blowjob, not that any of us fully understand what we were talking about.
my friends meant a lot to me. i talked with lily constantly. i remember walking laps while just saying anything we could think of. lily wanted to write a book and we’d plan it together. she wanted me to draw the cover for it. it of course never went anywhere, but writing this made me remember that.
then, one night we had a sleepover. it was fun, but anything with her was fun. it was late at night and she was doing my makeup. she smearing some gloss over my lips before leaning forward and kissing me. it wasn’t really a kiss, just a peck, but my little lesbian mind was freaking out. ive heard people say that straight girl sometimes just do that!? was that normal??? and the thing is, she did it again! that night, she slept next to me in my bed (i had a bunk bed btw, she just decided to sleep next to me) we were lying in the dark and she kissed me again, giggling.
but, all good things seem to end. the end of the school year rolled around, and guess what? all of us were going to different middle schools. lily was going to the connecting middle school to our elementary (a charter school). i was going to a public school in a different area because my brother got kicked out of the charter middle school. ethan was going to some rich private school. maria was moving out to West Virginia. on the last day of school, lily didn’t show up. maria, me, and some other friends decided to tell ethan that lily liked him. being a 12 year old boy, he of course said “ew” and brushed it off. asshole move btw, don’t go breaking girl code like i did, even if we’re never going to see each other again.
i got a phone at the start of summer and i still talked to lily. it just felt different though, and i was distant. classic me, always running away. i went to my friend concert with her, i met her family, i had my first sleep over with her. lily was my everything and suddenly i was never going to see her again. i stopped responding to her and she stopped texting. i don’t even have her number anymore. it’s all gone. ive already cried and did all my dramatic shit i do. it’s been over 2 years since i last talked to her and i probably never will again, same with maria and ethan. i think I loved her and i never could say that. i still have this bracelet she made me; it doesn’t even fit me right. i used it have this matching necklace with her, but i got emotional one day and threw it out. it hurt. it still does, just slightly. im over it by now but lily will always be the best friend i have ever had.
i cut my hair today. it was half way down my back and now its above my shoulders. it felt nice to cut it off. it used to be short when i was friends with her. i think im going to be okay :)
- r
twinning
Date: 2025-08-09 01:17 am (UTC)Re: twinning
Date: 2025-08-09 02:28 am (UTC)