romanticization
Thu, Jul. 24th, 2025 11:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
americasuiteheartssummer break always wreaks me. that fucking seasonal depression came back at me with a punch in the face.
ive always been stuck in my head, even back when i was younger. i could live completely in my mind, I could just leave my body behind. i thrive in my dreams. it always gets worse during the summers— I blame it on the loneliness. i feel like im going stir crazy. now im just romanticizing the everyday to get through every day.
it’s never an actual person. it’s some faceless person who loves me in my entirety. it’s an amalgamation of every person ive ever meet that holds me at night. i crave someone to care about me. ive only dated one person ever at the moment (sad? maybe, but im also young so whatever) but i want someone to call me their girlfriend. i think i read too much sappy shit because i don’t even want one of those shitty week long relationships. i want someone to be entirely mine and i their‘s. i want someone to be obsessed with me and to let themselves be completely vulnerable with me. i want a connection. it doesn’t ever have to be a girlfriend, im fine with something platonic. I just need someone to need me completely. i want to someone’s number 1. maybe that’s a selfish thing to want, so call me selfish. god, if school doesn’t come any quicker i might just break. i miss people that aren’t my family even though being around school makes me hella stressed.
actually, ignore everything above: i have zero idea what i want.
okay, now im spiraling. god im tired. i went to bed too late last night and woke up too early. i could probably talk wayyyy more about this but if i keep staring at my phone screen my eyes might pop out my skull. gn.
- r
ive always been stuck in my head, even back when i was younger. i could live completely in my mind, I could just leave my body behind. i thrive in my dreams. it always gets worse during the summers— I blame it on the loneliness. i feel like im going stir crazy. now im just romanticizing the everyday to get through every day.
it’s never an actual person. it’s some faceless person who loves me in my entirety. it’s an amalgamation of every person ive ever meet that holds me at night. i crave someone to care about me. ive only dated one person ever at the moment (sad? maybe, but im also young so whatever) but i want someone to call me their girlfriend. i think i read too much sappy shit because i don’t even want one of those shitty week long relationships. i want someone to be entirely mine and i their‘s. i want someone to be obsessed with me and to let themselves be completely vulnerable with me. i want a connection. it doesn’t ever have to be a girlfriend, im fine with something platonic. I just need someone to need me completely. i want to someone’s number 1. maybe that’s a selfish thing to want, so call me selfish. god, if school doesn’t come any quicker i might just break. i miss people that aren’t my family even though being around school makes me hella stressed.
actually, ignore everything above: i have zero idea what i want.
okay, now im spiraling. god im tired. i went to bed too late last night and woke up too early. i could probably talk wayyyy more about this but if i keep staring at my phone screen my eyes might pop out my skull. gn.
- r
