Am I good enough yet?
Tue, Oct. 7th, 2025 08:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
americasuiteheartsim in the middle of sobbing so im just write down everything that’s going through my mind right now.
I know that it’s selfish for me to even think, but why can’t you just be there for me? I know you need the money, I know that taking care of me is too expensive, but I wish you could just be there. You work every all week and on the weekends. You’re never not on call anymore. With the slim chance that we go anywhere I wanted to go, you say how I’m stressing you out. How I can’t just “spring this on me” because you need more than a week’s notice to even let me leave this fucking house. I’m your daughter, but I’m not you. I want to be around my friends and I want to be spontaneous and I want to do things outside of school work. I can get straight A’s and I can be polite to everyone around me and I can make dinner every night but I’m still not good enough in your eyes. The words I swallow down every time you take your frustration out on me— every time you yell all of your hate onto any small mistakes I make— are too much. Suddenly the words clump up and I’m gasping for air. Am I really that hard to love? What can I do to get you to love me unconditionally? I have to be smarter than everyone else. I have to be the most talented. I have to look better than anyone else. If not, I’m nothing. I’m feel like nothing. I miss being your little girl and I miss when you had time for me. I miss when my dad talked to me everyday; now he can’t even text me back. It’s been a month, why can’t you care about me? Now all I am is the bratty little know it all who cries in the dark and can speak her mind for shit. I wish I could be nothing.
sorry, this was a lot of me complaining (prob a lot of typos ;_;)
-r
I know that it’s selfish for me to even think, but why can’t you just be there for me? I know you need the money, I know that taking care of me is too expensive, but I wish you could just be there. You work every all week and on the weekends. You’re never not on call anymore. With the slim chance that we go anywhere I wanted to go, you say how I’m stressing you out. How I can’t just “spring this on me” because you need more than a week’s notice to even let me leave this fucking house. I’m your daughter, but I’m not you. I want to be around my friends and I want to be spontaneous and I want to do things outside of school work. I can get straight A’s and I can be polite to everyone around me and I can make dinner every night but I’m still not good enough in your eyes. The words I swallow down every time you take your frustration out on me— every time you yell all of your hate onto any small mistakes I make— are too much. Suddenly the words clump up and I’m gasping for air. Am I really that hard to love? What can I do to get you to love me unconditionally? I have to be smarter than everyone else. I have to be the most talented. I have to look better than anyone else. If not, I’m nothing. I’m feel like nothing. I miss being your little girl and I miss when you had time for me. I miss when my dad talked to me everyday; now he can’t even text me back. It’s been a month, why can’t you care about me? Now all I am is the bratty little know it all who cries in the dark and can speak her mind for shit. I wish I could be nothing.
sorry, this was a lot of me complaining (prob a lot of typos ;_;)
-r
no subject
Date: 2025-10-08 01:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-10-08 01:43 am (UTC)